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4/8/09

Quotations From Famous People

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Send any missing quotes to: editor@biblical-illumination.org

A

I almost shudder at the thought of alluding to the most fatal example of the abuses of grief which the history of mankind has preserved – the Cross. Consider what calamities that engine of grief has produced!
          —
John Adams

Religions change; beer and wine remain.
          — Harvey Allen (1889-1949)

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
 
        — Woody Allen

It is frequently argued that a return to formal religion is the solution to the problem. But the prescription leaves something to be desired, for one finds practically no formal Humanist, agnostics or atheist in the ranks of the corrupt. Most of the embezzlers, swindlers, con men and thieves . . . God help us . . . are card carrying members of one religious denomination or another that normally pays respect to the old and/or the new testament.
           — Steve Alien, humanist/humorist

Man invented gods to explain what we did not know. So God is the sum of all our ignorance.
 
        — anonymous

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.
 
        — Arabian Proverb

The Bible must be seen in a cultural context. It didn’t just happen. These stories are retreads from stories before. But, tell a Christian that – No, No! What makes it doubly sad is that they hardly know the book, much less its origins.
         — Isaac Asimov, writer, former president of the American Humanist Association

O Lord, help me to be pure — but not yet.
         — Saint Augustine

B

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
          — Dave Berry, humorist

Faith, n: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
          —
Ambrose Bierce

Why has a religious turn of mind always a tendency to narrow and harden the heart?
          —
Robert Burns

One religion is as true as another.
         — Robert Burton

C

The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.
 
        — Herb Caen

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
          — George Carlin, comedian

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.
          — George Carlin, comedian

If God didn’t want us to masturbate, he would have given us shorter arms.
         — George Carlin, comedian

D

It is a remarkable coincidence that almost everyone has the same religion as their parents and it always just so happens they're the right religion.
          — Richard Dawkins

I can hardly see how anyone ought to wish Christianity to be true; for if so the plain language of the text seems to show that the men who do not believe, and this would include my Father, Brother, and almost all my best friends, will be everlastingly punished. And this is a damnable doctrine.
          — Clarence Darrow

I don't believe in God, because I don't believe in Mother Goose.
          — Clarence Darrow

It is the final proof of God’s omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us.
         — Peter DeVries

Missionaries are perfect nuisances and leave every place worse than they found it.
 
        — Charles Dickens, writer

Yes, I am a Jew, and when the ancestors of the right honorable gentleman were brutal savages in an unknown island, mine were Priests in the temple of Solomon.
 
        — Benjamin Disraeli, former Prime Minister of England

A dead atheist is someone who’s all dressed up with no place to go.
 
        — James Duffy

I don’t want to achieve immortality by being inducted into Baseball’s Hall of Fame. I want to achieve immortality by not dying.
         — Leo Durocher at 81

E

To those searching for truth – not the truth of dogma and darkness, but the truth brought by reason, search, examination, and inquiry, discipline is required. For faith, as well-intentioned as it may be, must be built on facts, not fiction – faith in fiction is a damnable false hope.
         — Thomas A. Edison, inventor

Nature made us – nature did it all — not the gods of the religions.
         — Thomas A. Edison, inventor

I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own – a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotism.
 
         — Albert Einstein

F

Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?
 
        — Jules Feiffer

Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
  
       —
Anatole France

Lighthouses are more useful that churches.
         — Benjamin Franklin

When a religion is good, I conceive it will support itself; and when it does not support itself, and God does not take care to support it so that its professors are obliged to call for help of the civil power, 'tis a sign, I apprehend, of its being a bad one.
          — Benjamin Franklin

Jesus was a subversive sage. His witticisms tended to undermine the everyday view of things. Jesus taught them: “If someone sues you for your coat, give them your shirt as well.” In a two-garment society, that would have been funny.
         — R. Funk, [Life, December 1994]

G

God never tempts us to do anything wrong.
(except maybe to kill our children once in a while)
          — Billy Graham:

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
          — Galileo Galilei

Leave the matter of religion to the family alter, the church, and the private schools, supported entirely by private contributions. Keep the church and the state forever separate.
          — Ulysses S. Grant

H

The only sure enough sinner is the man who congratulates himself that he is without sin.
         — Elbert Hubbard

The Christian religion not only was at first attended with miracles, but even at this day cannot be believed by any reasonable person without one.
 
         — David Hume

If we must play the theological game, let us never forget that it is a game. Religion, it seems to me, can survive only as a consciously accepted system of make-believe.
          — Aldous Huxley

I

The inspiration of the Bible depends upon the ignorance of him who reads.
         — Robert Ingersoll

Ministers say that they teach charity. That is natural. They live on hand-outs. All beggars teach that others should give.
         — Robert Ingersoll

For god so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever would believe in him would believe in anything.
         — from the Internet

J

It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are 20 gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.
         — Thomas Jefferson

Question with boldness even the existence of God: because if there be one, he must approve the homage of Reason rather than that of blindfolded Fear.
 
        — Thomas Jefferson

Reason and free inquiry are the only effectual agents against error.
 
        — Thomas Jefferson

Because of religion, more human beings have been murdered, tortured, maimed, denigrated, discriminated against, humiliated, hated and scorned than for any other reason in the totality of the history of man.
         — Bill Jenkins, former ABC talk show host

I often wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope.
 
        — Pope John XXIII

One of my favorite fantasies is that next Sunday not one single woman, in any country of the world, will go to church. If women simply stop giving our time and energy to the institutions that oppress, they could cease to be.
 
         — Sonia Johnson

K

It's interesting to speculate how it developed that in two of the most anti-feminist institutions, the church and the law court, the men are wearing the dresses.
 
         — Flo Kennedy

L

 

M

During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution.
 
         — James Madison

If Jesus ever came back, Newt Gingrich and his friends would nail him to the cross as a tax-and-spend liberal.
         — Bill Mahar, Politically Incorrect TV Show

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
         — Bill Mahar, Politically Incorrect TV Show

If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you a Pope.
         — Bill Mahar, Politically Incorrect TV Show

I count religion but a childish toy, and hold there is no sin but ignorance.
         — Christopher Marlowe

Monogamy and prostitution go together.
 
        — Kate Millett

N

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
 
        — Napoleon (1769-1821)

Which is it, is man one of God’s blunders or is God one of man’s?
         — Friedrich Nietzsche

After coming into contact with a religious man, I always feel I must wash my hands.
         — Friedrich Nietzsche

One does well to put on gloves when reading the New Testament. The proximity of so much un cleanliness almost forces one to do this.
 
         — Friedrich Nietzsche

O

Baptist Group To Fill Seven Missionary Positions
    
     — headline in the Ohio State Lantern

I’m always suspicious of any church that tells you the end is near – and then asks you to sign a three-year Building Fund pledge.
 
        — Robert Orben

Finding that no religion is based on facts and cannot therefore be true, I began to reflect what must be the condition of mankind trained from infancy to believe in error.
          —
Robert Owen

P

Any system of religion that has anything in it that shocks the mind of a child, cannot be a true system.
 
         — Thomas Paine

Persecution is not an original feature in any religion; but it is always the strongly marked feature of all religions established by law.
 
         — Thomas Paine

No man’s authority can establish truth by decree.
         — Karl R. Popper, Fellow of the Academy

If you really are a fake, don't tell me. I don't want to know.
 
         — Linus van Pelt, in a letter to the Great Pumpkin

Q

 

R

Dogma demands authority, rather than intelligent thought, as the source of opinion; it requires persecution of heretics and hostility to unbelievers; it asks of its disciples that they should inhibit natural kindliness in favor of systematic hatred.
          — Bertrand Russell, (Unpopular essays)

Most of the greatest evils that man has inflicted upon man have come through people feeling quite certain about something which, in fact, was false.
         — Bertrand Russell

I believe that when I die I shall rot, and nothing of my ego will survive. I am not young, and I love life. But I should scorn to shiver with terror at the thought of annihilation. Happiness is none the less true happiness because it must come to an end, nor do thought and love lose their value because they are not everlasting.
          —
Bertrand Russell, (Unpopular essays)

The Christian religion has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world.
          —
Bertrand Russell

If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be though to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.
          —
Bertrand Russell

You find as you look around the world that every single bit of human progress in humane feeling, every improvement in the criminal law, every step toward the diminution of war, every step toward better treatment of the colored races, or every mitigation of slavery, every moral progress that there has been in the world, had been consistently opposed by the organized churches of the world. I say deliberately that the Christian religion, as organized in its churches, has been and still is, the principal enemy of moral progress in the world.
     I think our own hearts can teach us, no longer to look around for imaginary supports, no longer to invent allies in the sky, but rather to look to our own efforts here below to make this world a fit place to live in, instead of the sort of place that the churches in all these centuries have made it.

          —
Bertrand Russell

S

NEWS ITEMS: A car swerved off the road and crashed near Munich when its driver let go of the wheel – to see if God could drive. “I wanted to know,” the 51-year-old Italian motorist told a German court, “so I let go of the steering wheel and asked, “God, can you drive?”
The man lost his license for 20 months and a panel of judges recommended psychiatric treatment.

         — from The Secular Humanist Bulletin

My fear is that one day I’ll meet God, he’ll sneeze, and I won’t know what to say.
 
        — Ronnie Shales

An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
         — Fulton J. Sheen

Come, come, my conservative friend, wipe the dew off your spectacles, and see that the world is moving.
          — Elizabeth Cady Stanton

The Bible teaches that woman brought sin and death into the world, that she precipitated the fall of the race, that she was arraigned before the judgment seat of Heaven, tried, condemned and sentenced. Marriage for her was to be a condition of bondage, maternity a period of suffering and anguish, and in silence and subjection, she was to play the role of a dependent on man's bounty for all her material wants, and for all the information she might desire.
. . . Here is the Bible's position of woman briefly summed up.
          —
Elizabeth Cady Stanton

The memory of my own suffering has prevented me from ever shadowing one young soul with the superstitions of the Christian religion.
          —
Elizabeth Cady Stanton

The Bible and the Church have been the greatest stumbling blocks in the way of woman's emancipation.
          —
Elizabeth Cady Stanton

May the Force be with you . . .
 
        — from the movie Star Wars

It's an incredible con job when you think of it, to believe something now in exchange for life after death. Even corporations with all their reward systems don't try to make it posthumous.
          — Gloria Steinem

T

The world’s first artificial insemination is not just a modern medical miracle. It was first mentioned by Thomas Aquinas over 700 years ago. He was worried that a demon, in the form of a succubus, would visit a man and receive his seed; then, transforming himself into an incubus, would visit a woman and transmit the seed to her.
 
        — Reay Tannahill, in Sex in History

The Toledo, Ohio, Museum of Art ejected Jane Nofke from an exhibit when she began breastfeeding her baby son. The exhibit: several Rubens nudes.
         — from the Toledo News

It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain.
          — Mark Twain

U

Philosophy has questions that may never be answered. Religion has answers that may never be questioned.
          — Unknown

The more you know, the more you don’t have to believe.
          — Unknown

Life is sexually transmitted.
          — Unknown

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
          — Unknown

If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, because that’s what he’s getting!
         — Unknown

With atheism, man is directly responsible for his actions to himself and his fellow humans — he can’t blame his wars on a god.
 
        — unknown

Morality is a social obligation . . . not a passport to heaven.
 
        — unknown

The truth shall make you free . . . god is a myth!
         — unknown

V

If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
         — Voltaire

W

It’s easy to make prophecies . . . if you do it after the fact.
         — Sam Warren, author

All are equal in the eyes of God . . . except women, gays, blacks, unbelievers, idolaters, liberals, etc.
         — Sam Warren, author

With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil – that takes religion.
          — Steven Weinberg, A Designer Universe

One of the great achievements of science has been, if not to make it impossible for intelligent people to be religious, then at least to make it possible for them not to be religious. We should not retreat from this accomplishment.
          — Steven Weinberg, A Designer Universe

Religion is an insult in human dignity. With or without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.
          —
Steven Weinberg, A Designer Universe

Mythology is what grown-ups believe, folk-lore is what they tell their children, and religion is both.
         — Cedric Whitman

The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
         — Oscar Wilde, playwright

It is a farce to call any being virtuous whose virtues do not result from the exercise of its own reason.
          —
Mary Wollstonecraft, author

The further back history recedes, the bigger the myth grows.
          — Sam Warren, author

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