This is a new versions of an
old letter:
Dr. Laura
Schlessinger is a famous US radio personality who dispenses advice to
people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to (Leviticus
18:22), and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The
following is a secret letter to Dr. Laura that was leaked.
Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's Laws. I have learned a great deal from your show, and
try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone
tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind
them that (Leviticus 18:22) clearly states it to be an abomination.
End of debate. Ido need some advice from you, however, regarding some
of the other specific laws and how to follow them.
1. When I burn a
bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for
the Lord - (Leviticus.1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in (Exodus
21:7). In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price
for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual cleanliness - (Leviticus.15:19-24). The problem
is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. (Leviticus. 25:44) states that I may indeed possess slaves,
both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.
A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.
Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. (Exodus
35:2) clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination
- (Leviticus. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this?
7. (Leviticus. 21:20) states that I may not approach the altar
of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room
here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by (Leviticus.
19:27). How should they die?
9. I know from (Leviticus. 11:6-8) that touching the skin of
a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates (Leviticus. 19:19) by planting
two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.
Is it really necessary that we go to all
the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? –
(Leviticus. 24:10-16). Couldn't
we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus. 20:14).
I know you have studied these things extensively,
so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that
God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,
George
W. Bush
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