Does God Commit Vulgarities?

(Ezekiel 23:1-3) “Son of man, there were two women, the daughters of one mother;
   And they committed whoredoms in Egypt; they committed whoredoms in their youth: there were their breasts pressed, and there they bruised the teats of their virginity.”

(Hosea 9:1) “Rejoice not, O Israel, for joy, as other people: for thou hast gone a whoring from they God, thou hast loved a reward upon every corn floor.”

(Ezekiel 16:26) “Thou hast also committed fornication with the Egyptians thy neighbors, great of flesh: and hast increased thy whore-doms, to provoke me to anger.”
(He means that the Egyptians are well endowed.)

(Ezekiel 23:20) “She lusted after men who were hung like donkeys and who ejaculated like horses.”

(I Sam. 5:9-12) “The Philistines are infected with hemorrhoids as punishment for stealing the Ark of the Covenant.”

(I Sam. 6:1-5) “To placate the God of the Israelites, The Philistines make copies of hemorrhoids out of gold.” (I wonder who modeled for them.)

(Exodus 33:23) “And I will take away mine hand, thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.” (So God mooned Moses.)

(Ezekiel 16:28) “Thou hast played the whore also with the Assyrians, because thou wast unsatiable; year, thou hast played the harlot with them, and yet conldest not be satisfied.”

(Ezekiel 16-25) “Thou hast . . . made thy beauty to be abhorred, and hast opened thy feet to every one that passeth by, and multiplied they whoredoms.”

(Ezekiel 16:17) “Thou hast also taken thy fair jewels of my gold and my silver, which I had given thee, and madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them.” (Dildo euphemism.)

(Ezekiel 23:19-20) “Yet she multiplied her whoredom, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt.
      For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.”